President McDreamy

Yesterday was Josh day… at least it was Josh-Project day. It was one of those times when a lot of things seemed to be converging at once and weeks of procrastination were catching up with us on a grand scale.

We took a call on Wednesday night from Josh’s Cub Scout leader reminding us that his pinewood derby was this Saturday. This was bad since his block of wood was still resting comfortably in the box in which it came and by now should have probably already been ready to go. We could have sworn it was a couple of weeks away still.

On top of that, he had a project that he was supposed to be working on for the past several weeks due in school on Friday. As if any self-respecting 3rd grader would really have the foresight to carefully be researching and compiling a project several weeks in advance. It was something we were aware of but still it just kind of snuck up on us.

The school project is supposed to be a diorama-type creation where the kids learn about a president-of-their-choosing and build something to show a scene from and facts about that president's life. Josh of course chose Ronald Reagan (good boy).

We basically had one evening to complete two major projects for one child. Valerie and I decided that the only way this would be even remotely possible is if we split up. I would be the pinewood derby guy (after all that really is for the dads anyhow) and she would become the Reagan expert.

I immediately set off on my lunch-hour at work to spend inordinate amounts of money for items that would be used to turn a $3 block of wood into a slightly-less-attractive $40 block of wood covered with lead weights and graphite dust and destined for “participant” ribbons.

As I type this, the “car” sits on an overturned garbage can lid in my living room with its 18th layer of paint drying and nobody in my home able to breath because of the fumes. There is definitely more work to be done on that front. Nothing like waiting until the last minute.


Valerie on the surface seemed to have the easier task of finding a doll that looked like Ronald Reagan and working it with Josh into the display about his life. This was easier said then done. Since the centerpiece of this display was supposed to be a doll showing what the president looked like. This is where a Lincoln might have come in handy, a beard and a stovepipe hat and you know that’s Lincoln. This isn’t nearly as easy with as less distinct president. Valerie set off to the dollar store where surely there would be scads of dolls in suits to choose from until she found the perfect Reagan clone.

What we didn’t realize then that we know now is that the vast majority of boy dolls made for girls are definately Democrats. I sat at work laughing as Valerie sent to my phone picture after picture of dolls in prince costumes, dolls riding ponies, doll in revealing swimwear etc., etc. (What exactly are we teaching our girls about men?)

An Ice-Skating Prince?

Surely with two boys at home we must have some “action figure” that could stand in for our former president. With a quick glance through the toy box we learned that unless we could have President Spiderman or perhaps President Buzz-Lightyear we were going to be out of luck.

The closest thing to reasonable we could find at home was an over-buffed and slightly deranged looking naked army guy with a large scar across his face and a blowgun permanently affixed to his left hand. Valerie thought him over briefly but somehow he just didn’t seem electable. With a little work he may have passed for a brunette James Monroe but it was too late to think that way.

Most other action figures intended for boys seem come with some horrible deformity that either gives them superpowers or makes them super evil. (What exactly are we teaching our boys about men?)

Mr President, are you feeling okay?

Valerie made one last attempt to hit the stores and finally hit paydirt. Well, at least she found a doll in a suit. It was a Patrick Dempsey doll playing the character of Robert Phillips from the Disney movie “Enchanted”. He is better known for his roll in the “Gray’s Anatomy” TV series as Dr. McDreamy.


He doesn’t exactly look like Reagan but his hair is as stiff as a board and he was well dressed so that is a pretty good start. We paid a premium price for a well-heeled doll like that. Valerie made the justification that Reagan was an actor so he would have understood Patrick Dempsey as an actor playing the roll of Ronald Reagan. Got it?


Josh had one question though, “dad didn’t President Reagan wear socks?”, “not this time son”. By now it was late in the evening and there was no further time for analysis. At one point Valerie was busy on one side of the kitchen desperately trying to glue President McDreamy’s feet to his new home while I was drilling “speed holes” into the pinewood derby car on the other side of the kitchen. In the midst of our frenzy we looked at each other and then looked over to Josh who was resting comfortably on the couch watching cartoons in the other room. The joys of parenthood.

The most important part though is that the Friday project for school is done. I sure hope Valerie gets a good grade for her hard work. We’ll take another look at the pinewood derby car tonight.