Vision Quest

For some reason, I enjoy blogging the mundane more than the fun, out-of-the-ordinary stuff.

I’m behind on a couple of blog posts. Our family had an awesome weekend on Whidbey Island this past week and there is some stuff from our trip the previous weekend to Yakima that I still need to wrap up but that’s all too easy. I would rather blog about the annual eye doctor appointment I went to today.

Of all the doctors I ever visit, the eye doctor is my favorite. First, they don’t weigh you which is kinda cool and unlike the dentist, they have never ever made me bleed or offered me headphones to mask the screams of other patients.

Instead I get to recite the alphabet as the letters pop up on the wall which is kinda fun and I get to play the “better or worse” game while the doctor twist the dials on that funny contraption they put over your face. To top it off they take those creepy pictures of the blood vessels inside of your eye that you get to look at and take home with you.



At the end they write you a perscription and you get to pick out some glasses. That is where things get difficult for me. My eyes are really pretty good, I don’t need glasses for common daily use. In fact the primary use of glasses for me is to make me look smart at work and at job interviews. You’d be surprised how far you can get just nodding your head and gazing over the top of your low-slung glasses. The less you say, the smarter you are.

The glasses that I had before have been missing for a few months and they are starting to catch on at work that maybe I’m not that smart after all. Thus the appointment today.

Following my quick exam, I escorted back to the front of the office to sift through the choices of frames available to me in the price range allowed by my insurance company ($130). This was a grand total of two frames in the entire store. I think both were U.S. Army issue vintage Korean War era frames. I believe these are affectionately referred to as “Birth Control Glasses” for obvious reasons.



I decided to venture out of my price range into the remainder of the store. I probably had a bewildered look on my face since the lady working at the reception desk asked me if she could help me find something. “Yes, I’m looking for the mens’ frames”. I quickly learned that there is no longer any such thing as mens’ frames, they are all mixed together and you simply find what you think looks best on you.

Seriously? You turn people who freely admit to poor vision loose in a world of unisex frames to find what looks best? That’s like asking a deaf person to pick a music CD.

This whole plan doesn’t bode well for a guy like me as what I think looks best on me may mean that I end up that I look like Sally Jesse Raphael for the next year. It would be better if you sat in a chair and the receptionist picked out the glasses that she thinks look best on you. Then we’d be on to something.



I finally found what I think was a pocket of frames that was probably intended to be for men or maybe men and manly women but there was still nothing there that I liked. Most of them seemed to be in the style of Jack Coleman from Heroes which seems to be the hot look in eyewear this year.



After 45 minutes of puzzed looking I decided finally that it would be best if I just took my perscription and left. It is probably best that I don’t look alone. Sally Jesse doesn't want the competition.